Self doubt: my biggest inner demon

I would imagine that most people have inner demons.

Thoughts they battle with and maybe don't really share with others. My biggest inner demon is my self doubt. I doubt my drawing and photography abilities, my relationships and just myself in general really. It's not every day but occasionally it rears it's ugly head and it's important to know in those moments that it's okay so feel bad as long as it's only for a moment and not a lifetime.

I recently had a few breakdowns about my photography ability specifically and I compared myself to people in a bad way. I put myself down because I'm not at the level that they are on and I almost let my self doubt win, but then I had a very good talk with my best friend and they told me to go through all of my past shoots and write down what I don't like about them. So I did. I got two or three things in common I want to improve on that were consistent in a lot of the results so I have decided to do just that. Improve; and for me to be able to improve I need ro practice, practice, practice. And that's really all to it, I need to put myself out there more to get better.

I will not let my inner demons win, I am good at what I do and I will beat my self doubt and come out victorious.

You can beat your demons too, I believe in you.

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Some candid shots of my friend Lou from my trip to London in April.

Anton Wang

I spent a day in Copenhagen with my friend Anton at the end of August when Fashion Week was there. I took some portraits of him that I never did anything with and I've recently come to terms with the fact that I need to really work on a few things photography-wise so I here you go.

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Isn't he just so pretty?

Dublin with my Hufflepuff

I went on a mini holiday in the beginning of September with my best friend. We flew (separately) to Dublin, it wasn't just a mini holiday it was also a birthday trip as Helen turned 25 while we where there. I had her presents all packed up by the time she got through arrivals.

We made our way to our hotel, very confusing being in a country none of us had been in before (and none of us had thought to look up the way beforehand) but we made it eventually. Our first evening was uneventful, we went out to buy food and then talked. Since we only see each other a couple of times a year for a few short days it always feels strange when I actually see her in person. Like she's not a person living in my phone? Strange.

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Our second day was her birthday and I woke her up with terrible singing and presents; I had made her a birthday card with all her favourite things - almost missing her favourite band but I squeezed them in on the envelope - a necklace, a pin and a handmade banner. 

We went into the Disney store and they were playing 'You're Welcome' so we obviously started dancing and singing along like idiots and one of the staff started talking to us and we mentioned it was Helen's birthday so she got a birthday celebration. I was not jealous at all...

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We spent our days walking around Dublin, not doing any touristy things as that's not really what we like to do - especially since this was the first time it was just the two of us for a whole trip we just wanted to spend time in each others company and relax. It's been a hectic few years for us especially this one and we celebrated not only her birthday but the both of us finishing our degrees. 

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Helen and I are not really the going-out type of people either so we spent all of our nights at our hotel watching Drag Race and talking. Each second I'm not with them I miss them. Helen makes my life so much better and I am so grateful to have them in my life and to be able to share their 25th with them was so fantastic.

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It's only a little over two months until I see them again for our sixth new years together, and also our five year anniversary as friends. I cannot wait.

I hope you have someone in your life that lifts you up like Helen does me, and who makes you laugh, gets you out of your head and is just a fantastic presence in your life. And if you don't, then I wish for you to find that person. It makes a world of difference.

I love you soulmate, see you soon.